she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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