Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just tell him i said nine months
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
