No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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