This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
