Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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