Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
