you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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