Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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