: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
