i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
