we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
