I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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