she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
