My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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