I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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