A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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