I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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