i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
