$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
