Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just had sex bonerless
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
