We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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