im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
