he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We just shotgunned beers for America
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
