Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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