ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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