It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
