I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
