I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
