Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
