Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i believe in u and ur pee
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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