So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
