i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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