My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ladies don't puke and tell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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