ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
