Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
