The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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