dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
