there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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