perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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