this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
