This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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