Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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