All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
