hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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