After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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