Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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