He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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