Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
