Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
