Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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