I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
accomplished twins. life is a go
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
