Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
