Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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