a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
