The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
