just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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