her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
