I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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