The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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