It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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