The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
