She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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