the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize