Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.