Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Please, let me fuck your mom
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house