hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize