OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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